The Golden Age

The fears of one turning 27 on the 27th

My birthdays are always special. I mean, I could tell you how I’ve gone to bed happily for the past five birthdays, woken up to the sweetest messages, cried a little, celebrated joyfully, and still gone about my regular day.

Generally, I enjoy doing absolutely nothing on my birthdays or simply going with the flow, comforting myself with the thought that on my golden birthday, I’d go all out.

I had plans—an owanbe party, lunch or dinner with friends, a mini holiday. I knew it was going to fall on a Saturday, so I had free rein to plan and plan and plan.

But then, guess who chose a healthcare career where there are no fixed days off?

Me.

And the one thing I also didn’t foresee was the current economic state of my motherland. Or maybe I always knew, but refused to acknowledge or accept it.

So today, I’m journalling my fears for you to read, hoping that by putting them into words, I’ll finally accept them and start moving on.

Yes, the next few paragraphs will be me dragging my shadows into the light, hoping that when the light hits, I’ll find beauty in them.

#1

Fear of too much self-love

You know how they say too much of anything isn’t good? I think I understand how that can play out in self-love. You become so consumed with yourself that no one else really matters, and selfishness begins to underline everything you do.

It’s the opposite of the compelling selflessness that calls you to die to yourself and show up for people, over and over again.

So far, I’ve combated this fear with the selflessness ingrained in me by... only God knows who.

#2

Fear of jinxing good things

Hmmmm.

This one keeps me from announcing my victories. It tugs at my ear whenever I’m overjoyed and whispers, “Shout, and you’ll ruin it.”

Sometimes, I don’t think I’ll ever overcome this one because, truthfully, there have been times when I’ve celebrated victories loudly, only to be met with challenges shortly afterwards.

Some people would call it premature excitement, but I genuinely want to share my good news with the world. The only issue is that when it finally seems right to share, I would have lost the excitement to share.

This fear has held me back from writing about certain things, and I truly hope I outgrow it.

#3

Fear of not being enough

I know I can’t be everything and do everything.

Or... can I?

Some days, I feel like Superwoman. Other days, I feel like a child who can’t even feed herself. Most days, I find myself somewhere between those two extremes.

Life has made it abundantly clear that I can’t do everything I’d love to do (and that’s completely okay). But even with the things I have chosen to do, I sometimes fear I won’t be able to.

I combat this fear by reminding myself of God’s Word.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

“The Lord is within me; I will not fail.”

There are many more promises I hold onto, but these two feel like the warmest hugs.

#4

Fear of the unknown

This one brings me to tears. It crumbles me.

This is the fear that sits quietly in the dark, waiting for the exact moment I’m at my lowest before pushing me down even further.

It’s the one that shows up just when I’ve started believing everything will be okay.

Funny how it stays silent most of the time, only to rear its head and whisper, “I told you so,” whenever something goes wrong.

Because somehow, the unknown often feels like something I always suspected but desperately hoped I’d never have to experience.

Want to know how I combat this one?

I simply rest in The One who knows all things.

Every single time, I surrender the fear to Him and hold onto Him as though my life depends on it.

Because it does.

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So there you have it.

Four fears of a girl... lady... woman... who will be 27 on the 27th.

Insert dancing, screaming and jumping emojis.

This Eledumare’s masterpiece will see you on the 27th🤍✌🏽