The smile on her face gave it all away. She didn’t need to speak; I knew her Valentine’s week went well. He probably sent her flowers and more gifts than she could recount; then, he proceeded to treat her to dinner in the finest place. While I sat on my couch, imagining a life with her by my side.
…
He asked about my Valentine!! I can’t stop smiling. I can’t believe he cares this much. Maybe my crush won’t crush me; perhaps he’s trying to figure out what I like, or perhaps those hours I spent planning dates on Valentine’s Day were not useless after all.
…
And there you have it. Fools in love neither saying nor seeing.
-An excerpt from a conversation in my head.
When I ask a friend how he/she is, I can already expect the generic “I’m fine” even when there are facts to prove their unfineness.
As someone who says ‘fine’ by default, even when all is clearly in chaos, I understand your perspective. I am not even worthy to query your response (infact, I rarely query it), but on a Monday like today, I do not want to hear the generic.
Starting with the apparent dollar-to-naira rate, to the inflation, and travelling down to barely being able to afford basic needs and cravings. I don’t think I am fine, and if you are being truthful, you aren’t as well.
I say ‘fine’ when there are problems. Issues that amount to ‘nothing’, things I keep ignoring until they explode in a volcano of tears. I know you have similar problems, too. You keep compounding them, talking to no one because they have problems of their own or because you would look stupid to voice these concerns.
I digress; what is stupidity?
Oxford Languages says, “Stupidity is a behaviour that shows a lack of good sense or judgement.” Is it good sense to voice my concerns? Or am I only scared of the judgement that could follow?
Talking to the wrong person is stupidity; not talking at all is stupidity, but you know what isn’t? Lifting the weight out of your lips. All you need to do to get that dumbbell off your chest is to lift it out through your mouth.
Speak it into the air, whisper it to God, say it to yourself in the mirror. Just Lift it!
And when that lifting is done, embrace the solace that lasts a few seconds, minutes, or days. Embrace the solutions proffered by friends who care, and embrace the silence of shock or the laughter of stupidity.
On the other end of the scale is joy.
I’ve found that even when I am thrilled, I still like to use the generic “fine.” What happened to words like “elated” and phrases like “over the moon”?
Sometimes, we diminish our joy because the country and world are in crisis. While I understand this as well, I also believe that in a world dark with negativity, your positive joy can serve as a bulb for others.
So, friends, this Monday, as you sit in that office, class, traffic, or bed, I want you to send a genuine reply and stop being ‘fine’ all the time, for no one is ever truly fine.
How are you?
😓😓